if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
