Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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