i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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