As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
