dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
