don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
