Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
