I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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