she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
