Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
