Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
did i walk over a car last night?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
