mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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