I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
