they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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