in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
