shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
