She is in my trunk
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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