Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
