My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
