Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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