Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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