So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
