look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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