ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
