so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
