You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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