i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
