Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
