I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
