Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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