tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
