I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
