And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
