meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
