I want to have your abortion
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
