I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
