The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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