We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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