Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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