My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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