You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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