Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
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I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.