Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
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so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
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They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.