she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
