Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm not a real person

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm sorry, everyone knows that

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  (586): I'm not a real person (586): I'm sorry, everyone knows that http://tfl.nu/uvd5
  Replies (4) Good night (870) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm going to rape that little man

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  omg not your brother

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  (414): i'm going to rape that little man (414): omg not your brother http://tfl.nu/01hx
  Replies (3) Good night (789) Bad night (1295)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.

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  (248): They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking. http://tfl.nu/97aw
  Replies (9) Good night (522) Bad night (2254)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen

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  (845): i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen http://tfl.nu/31v4
  Replies (20) Good night (2320) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos

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  (804): just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos http://tfl.nu/9tfl
  Replies (14) Good night (6033) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.

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  (812): My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here. http://tfl.nu/tf3w
  Replies (17) Good night (684) Bad night (4563)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.

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  (540): I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it. http://tfl.nu/dv65
  Replies (45) Good night (10936) Bad night (2543)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.

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  (802): You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises. http://tfl.nu/vxkf
  Replies (33) Good night (2199) Bad night (5040)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...

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  (303): Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time... http://tfl.nu/53f4
  Replies (4) Good night (2281) Bad night (970)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.

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  (208): i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home. http://tfl.nu/7itp
  Replies (2) Good night (2102) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.

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  (306): We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit. http://tfl.nu/ure1
  Replies (1) Good night (583) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.

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  (919): I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline. http://tfl.nu/f3bf
  Replies (14) Good night (2675) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's

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  (616): Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's http://tfl.nu/uou0
  Replies (12) Good night (799) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.

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  (612): I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers. http://tfl.nu/s9wi
  Replies (2) Good night (262) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.

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  (214): I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef. http://tfl.nu/ln6b
  Replies (2) Good night (225) Bad night (238)

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