dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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