I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
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How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!