Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.

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  (913): very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute. http://tfl.nu/bjrt
  Replies (11) Good night (686) Bad night (1085)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again

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  (617): you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again http://tfl.nu/3f6n
  Replies (10) Good night (5713) Bad night (981)
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  (707): View more from California

  yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.

  (1-707): View more from California

  you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you

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  (707): yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her. (1-707): you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you http://tfl.nu/2wdi
  Replies (15) Good night (846) Bad night (5188)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.

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  (219): I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window. http://tfl.nu/kuhj
  Replies (6) Good night (1072) Bad night (2936)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.

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  (214): Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school. http://tfl.nu/ngpq
  Replies (4) Good night (3393) Bad night (726)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.

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  (313): he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it. http://tfl.nu/c4xp
  Replies (5) Good night (2443) Bad night (923)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.

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  (757): Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob. http://tfl.nu/c5bb
  Replies (14) Good night (1578) Bad night (620)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.

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  (+44): Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life. http://tfl.nu/4vxb
  Replies (14) Good night (1898) Bad night (577)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.

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  (517): It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals. http://tfl.nu/8hcd
  Replies (0) Good night (701) Bad night (331)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.

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  (505): Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds. http://tfl.nu/oq4c
  Replies (2) Good night (876) Bad night (324)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.

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  (303): It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address. http://tfl.nu/4jnm
  Replies (6) Good night (454) Bad night (761)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag

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  (702): This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag http://tfl.nu/ygs4
  Replies (4) Good night (625) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.

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  (989): Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad. http://tfl.nu/i278
  Replies (3) Good night (645) Bad night (263)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm Batman.

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  (614): I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls. (614): I'm Batman. http://tfl.nu/j50i
  Replies (3) Good night (522) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.

  (563): View more from Iowa

  How is that low? I love carrots.

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  (720): I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low. (563): How is that low? I love carrots. http://tfl.nu/c1zp
  Replies (0) Good night (808) Bad night (221)

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