Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized

  (914): View more from New York

  No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."

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  (508): Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized (914): No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes." http://tfl.nu/s64m
  Replies (23) Good night (3210) Bad night (764)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car

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  (313): The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car http://tfl.nu/lq42
  Replies (40) Good night (4883) Bad night (1215)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.

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  (425): Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack. http://tfl.nu/ptag
  Replies (32) Good night (1315) Bad night (8794)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.

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  (902): So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge. http://tfl.nu/p9n1
  Replies (5) Good night (969) Bad night (2185)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption

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  (586): If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption http://tfl.nu/zznp
  Replies (13) Good night (1369) Bad night (1969)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference

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  (240): the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference http://tfl.nu/iojb
  Replies (7) Good night (2404) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.

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  (219): You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty. http://tfl.nu/gbls
  Replies (5) Good night (2317) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather

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  (304): You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather http://tfl.nu/giov
  Replies (17) Good night (1555) Bad night (506)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.

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  (770): We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts. http://tfl.nu/3snk
  Replies (2) Good night (1491) Bad night (473)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.

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  (443): I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley. http://tfl.nu/k95g
  Replies (7) Good night (850) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"

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  (304): He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to" http://tfl.nu/krok
  Replies (4) Good night (1495) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.

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  (440): no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er. http://tfl.nu/c5u6
  Replies (4) Good night (884) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.

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  (269): We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka. http://tfl.nu/2nmd
  Replies (7) Good night (1265) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will

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  (205): I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will http://tfl.nu/rm9j
  Replies (2) Good night (927) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something

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  (601): She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something http://tfl.nu/xegg
  Replies (5) Good night (846) Bad night (348)

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