Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Randomize
