I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
