Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
