Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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