I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
