He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
