You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
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He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
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Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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