let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
