You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
