So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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