I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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