I think im going to throw up on grandma
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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