glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
