It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
