She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
