Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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