Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
