Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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