Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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