When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
