In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
