i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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