arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
