There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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