I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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