You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
