I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
