This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
