so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
