a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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