she woke up with a sticky ear
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
