i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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