im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
