I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it was like eating out sand paper
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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