When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
