Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
