How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
