Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
