The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
