bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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