What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
