I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
