i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
porn star boner night. come get it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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