Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I wear drunk well.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
