dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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