dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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